Are you having pain during sex? Has it gotten so bad that you don’t even want to have sex anymore because it is just too painful? Have you tried every position only to end up frustrated? Or maybe you are even starting to believe that it is not worth the effort.
Please know – you are not alone. Something can be done.
Lately I have been meeting so many women just like you. They are frustrated because every time they try to have sex they end up in pain. The pain leads to decreased desire and even restrictions on “naked time”. You may even start to feel that the intimacy of your relationship is being affected. Or worse, that you will never get back to a pain free sex life.
Maybe you have already reached out to a doctor or a physical therapist for help only to be told that nothing can be done to improve your situation.
Please know – you are not alone. Something can be done.
I recently had a new patient who was looking for a pain free sex life. She had seen another Physical Therapist who told her (please notice the quote):
“I don’t believe you are trying hard enough”. (Yes, those were the exact words)
So, I apologized to my new patient for the words that had been spoken over her. Not only was she having pain with sex but she was then told that it was her fault.
That is unacceptable in my book.
Maybe you have had a similar experience where you have reached out to a health care provider only to be told that it is your fault, nothing can be done, or this is just the ways things are at your age. I am here to tell you that none of those things are true.
It is not your fault.
There is something that can be done.
You can have pain free sex at any age.
We see many ladies just like you in our clinic on a daily basis. Many of them have been to other providers and not gotten the results they were looking for. Or, even worse, they have been told demoralizing things like they are not trying hard enough.
You may be too scared to even talk to a health care provider. Perhaps you have just assumed that nothing can be done and this is just the way life is going to be for you.
What would your life look like if you were able to have pain free sex? Would that change your relationship? How would you feel about yourself?
Let’s face it – sex is important for a loving relationship. You may have been trying to convince yourself that you don’t need to have sex. Or that it’s not the most important thing. And you’re right - it’s not the most important thing. But, what happens in the bedroom is really important.
Or you may have been trying to convince yourself that you can just get through it. But, is that really how you want to live your life? By just getting through intimacy? This is supposed to be an act where we can bond with our partner to provide connection and intimacy for our relationships.
You need to find the right professional who can walk you through these issues and help you find solutions that allow for pain free sex. You owe it to yourself and you owe it to your partner.
So, let’s go through the steps to finding your pain free sex life.
You need to seek help from someone who can help you.
The first step is finding the right person to help you. In my experience there are two main reasons why women have pain during sex.
- 1You may have a previous sexual trauma that you have not healed from
- 2You may have a physical issue that is causing pain during sex OR
- 3You may have a combination of both 1 and 2
I know this is super deep but we need to get real for a second. If you have a previous history of sexual trauma that you believe is causing pain with sex then you need to seek out the help and advice of a mental health professional. They are the people who can help you find the emotional healing that will release you from the pain.
Our bodies do hold onto to trauma and pain. You may feel like that sounds a little “woo-woo” but it is actually scientifically proven. And, I want you and your body to find the healing you truly need. So, please, if you have sexual trauma in your past find a mental health counselor that can help you find emotional healing.
Now, if you know that this pain is actually a physical issue then I encourage you to sign up for one of our ((((Free Discovery Visits)))). During this free visit we will listen to your story and answer all of your questions regarding your pain during sex. If we both agree that we have a good fit then we will move on to the second step.
You need to be able to talk about the pain you have during sex
I totally get that it is really a strange topic to discuss with someone that you have only just met. In fact, talking about pain during sex can be a difficult topic to discuss with your partner! For us to work together to heal your body we need to be able to discuss all the important details.
You may find yourself wondering how detailed do we get.
The truth is that we need to have a full disclosure relationship. We will need to discuss positions to determine if there is one that is particularly painful. This helps to give us information on which structures may be causing the pain as well as positions to avoid during the healing process.
You may find that using lubrication helps to decrease friction which decreases your pain during sex. Or you may have already tried this and found that lubrication increased depth of penetration which made all of your symptoms worse.
We will need to discuss current frequency as well as desired frequency. Trust me, the frequency that each person desires or requires in their life varies widely. You are the only person who can determine what frequency of sexual activity indicates healing and success. Well, I guess your partner gets to have some say in that as well.
Figuring it out
Once we have decided that we are a good fit to work together, it is time to figure out what is causing the pain in the first place. This is the “root cause”. That is the tissue that is causing the pain and started this issue.
There also might be other tissues that have been damaged or affected because of the root. These will also need to be addressed in order to return you to the pain free sex life you desire.
Often the root cause and the secondary issues are related because – It’s All Connected! You will hear us say it often in the clinic and our patients often repeat it back to us. Your root cause may be causing secondary issues that continue to increase the root cause. It is a vicious cycle that your body can get into.
We will figure out exactly what your root cause is as well as the secondary issues that are affecting your ability to have sex pain free. And, we will work together to create a plan to eliminate your pain and return you to pain free intimacy.
After all, that’s why you are doing all this, right? Make sure you take a moment to enjoy –literally.
Just think of how fantastic you would feel enjoying sex pain free. To have an enjoyable time in bed where you are not left frustrated and in pain.
If it has been so long since you have enjoyed pain free sex that it seems impossible, let me offer you hope. I have literally seen hundreds of women who had pain with sex. And, I have helped them find joy in the bedroom. At the frequency they desire.
If you feel like you have seen a doctor or physical therapist who left you discouraged about your potential to ever again enjoy sex pain free, I am sorry. I promise you there is another way to get you back to enjoying sex pain free. And you deserve to have this important aspect of your life back.
Or maybe you have been working up the courage to finally talk to someone about your pain. You might be finally ready to figure out what is behind this issue and learn what is possible for you.
Then I encourage you to sign up for one of our Free Discovery Visits. This is an absolutely free 20 minute consultation where you can tell your story and also get all of your questions answered. This is perfect for people who have had a bad experience somewhere else or who just aren’t sure if we can even help them.
We look forward to seeing you at Physical Therapy for everyBODY and helping you get back to a pain free sex life.